NEWSWIRE

Mumbai. Realizing the fact that millions of TV viewers in India have got addicted to watching Arnab Goswami fight Pakistan, Maoists, and all other kinds of enemies of the state and the society, Times Group has sensed a business opportunity and decided to open de-addiction centers across the country.

“There have been cases where people have felt restless until they see a restless Arnab Goswami on TV,” a Times Group source told Faking News, “Such people, when denied the daily dose of Arnab, complain of breathlessness, depression, confusion and extreme rage.”

“I think it’s true!” Apoorv Sood, a prime time news viewer said, “I started watching The Newshour with Arnab Goswami this Monday, and God, I can’t sleep without watching it now! THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!”

Arnab Goswami

A not-so-angry Arnab Goswami

Experts believe that “Arnab-addiction” is happening to people like Sood, who could soon demand some de-addiction to lead pre-Arnab lives again.

Sensing this demand, The Times Group has planned to open a chain of Arnab Goswami de-addiction centers, where people will be helped in leading a normal life and get an Arnab-Life balance in their lives.

“People addicted to Arnab Goswami will be shown never-seen-before video clips where Arnab would be shown talking slowly and in totally subdued voice,” the source revealed, “They will also be exposed to soothing spiritual talks, but not those by likes of Asaram Bapu, who can remind the addicts of Aranb’s rage, and undo the therapy.”

The top management of The Times Group has confirmed the plans.

“There is no inconsistency in employing Arnab Goswami and running these Arnab de-addiction centers at the same time,” Times Group MD Vineet Jain claimed, “Don’t we already run the India-Pak peace initiative Aman Ki Asha in The Times of India while we are direct with Pakistan on Times Now?”

“Everybody does it,” he further claimed, “Remember, NDTV journalists like Barkha Dutt used to mock Rakhi Ka Swayamwar, which used to air on now defunct NDTV Imagine.”

Humaam mein sabhi nange hain (everyone gets naked in bathroom),” he added, interestingly a quote often said by Rajdeep Sardesai, the Editor-in-Chief of the rival news channel CNN-IBN.

While Mr. Jain declined to comment, sources reveal that NDTV and CNN-IBN are putting all the money for running these Times Group owned Arnab de-addiction centers.

“No one has been watching these channels ever since Arnab has gone into a perpetual aggressive mode, and these channels worry about going bankrupt,” a source clarified why these news channels were ready to give money to a rival media house.

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  • Ni$H

    He is an example of fearless leader, who is moving the masses for a good cause ! I salute to this common man yet so uncommon and genuine “Aranab Goswami”

  • nvsindia

    There is a difference between a habit and an addiction. Habits shape our personalities and enrich our lives, but when they become obsessive and harmful, they turn into addictions.

  • SANJAY

    TRUE JOURNALISM. THANK GOD, WE STILL HAVE A GOOD JOURNALIST TO PROUD. HE SEEMS ALONE IN THE BATTLE AGAINST CORRUPT GOVT AND REST PRIME TIME ANCHORS HIDING EITHER IN KITCHEN OF 10 JANPATH OR REST BEHIND 24 AKBAR ROAD.

  • jai

    Hei Aranab da ami miss korisu apunak .. the whole nation is now realizing in pain that a true nationalist fighter is now in trouble.. Ofcourse v support you, is desh m ek socialist ko kimat chukana hi parta h ye to pehle se hi desh ka swavab rha he !
    But v trust on you that you ‘ll not kneel down and b the same herro

  • Simple Indian

    Though I have my views about the way Arnab Goswami conducts the NewsHour debates and often takes sides (which a journalist shouldn’t do, IMO), I feel he is sincere and doesn’t pander to any political party as many other anchors are known to do. But, I do wish Arnab tones down his constant interrupting of panelists and allows them to finish their points. Of course, there are panelists who ‘filibuster’ and hijack a debate to suit their interests.

  • Sherjil Islam

    Arnab can only be tamed by Kumar Vishwas because of simple reason that to deal with Vishwas he has to speak in Hindi and there Kumar beats Arnab hands down!!