Delhi Police to award Golden HAFTA Awards to itself

Published on January 12, 2013 by notthatmp

A policeman on duty

New Dheeli (name changed). In order to lift the sagging morale of the police force, Mr Dheeraj Kumar, Commissioner of Dheeli Police, himself harangued by one Dheila Aunty, has decided to launch the annual ‘Golden HAFTA Awards’ on lines of the BAFTA (British Academy of Film and Television Arts) awards.

However, unlike BAFTA, HAFTA is not an acronym.

This will not only bring the police force’s supreme duty (i.e. HAFTA collection) in sharper focus but also help the employees get over the temporary trauma of India Gate and Jantar Mantar skirmishes.

The ‘Golden HAFTA Awards’ will be given away in the following categories:

Category	Awardee	Award Criteria
*Technical Awards*
Lala Lajpat Rai Award	Individual	Most ruthless lathicharge by an individual
Harish Chandra Award	Police Station. To be collected by the SHO.	Police station with the highest number of false arrests and the highest percentage of FIR denial.
Raja Ram Mohan Roy Award	Individual. Only for IPS officers.	For most irresponsible comment/statement on issues related to women’s safety.
*Main Awards*
Best Debut Performance – Male/Female	Individual	Awarded to a Home Guard or Constable for highest hafta collections from petty shopkeepers, Rehri-wallahs and beggars.
Best Performance in a supporting role – Male/Female	Individual	Awarded to a Constable, Sub-inspector or Inspector for supporting the SHO in hafta collections.
Best Performance in a Leading Role – Male/Female	Individual	Awarded to the ACP or DCP for the highest hafta collections at district level.
Best Performance at the Border	Team	Awarded for the highest hafta collections at a state border/naka.
Police Station of the Year	Police Station. To be collected by the SHO, ACP and DCP.	Awarded for highest hafta collections among all police stations.
Lifetime Achievement Award	Individual	Awarded to a retired Commissioner for consistently commendable performance in personal asset building.