New Delhi. Corrupt people of India have announced heavy discounts and attractive offers on bribes, commissions, interest-free loans, donations, etc. on the eve of various upcoming festivals.
“Flat 50% off on all driving licenses!” announced an RTO officer, who expressed disappointment that he was not authorized to issue licenses to airlines, else he would have offered a “really good deal” to Vijay Mallya, whose flying license was suspended by civil aviation authorities.
“I am willing to offer a huge 1% interest per decade on crores of rupees that anyone gives me,” announced Robert, a relative of a leading politician of India, “This is a limited period offer and will expire on Diwali.”
Similarly, starting tomorrow till Diwali, transport and police officials will be carrying swiping machines at traffic lights, and have offered discount through credit cards if one is not carrying cash while jumping red light or breaking other traffic rules.
“See, don’t think that we are trying to make quick money,” a traffic inspector argued, “It’s not like season-ending sales where businessmen try to clear stocks. We anyway make a killing during the festivals, but we are offering discounts to people because we care.”
While the nature and quantum of festive offers differed from person to person and department to department, every corrupt person claimed that they were making a “sacrifice” for the betterment of the society.
“This is a small price we are willing to pay to get accepted back in the society,” a certain Kalmadi told Faking News, “Of late, a few people have been defaming us and trying to push us out of the system and the society just because we are corrupt.”
“And yes, we are secular; offering discounts for all communities during festivals of all of them – be it Diwali or Eid,” an allegedly corrupt person reiterated.