NEWSWIRE

New Delhi. In a stunning decision, miffed by the continuous use of zeros by CAG, UPA has decided to ban zeros altogether from India. From now on, zero will not be used in any form in academics or in public discourse.

Congress spokesman, Mr. Manish Tewari informed about the decision: “CAG seems obsessed with zeros and keeps on adding them to every scam, so we have decided to ban zeros to ensure there is no scam in this country.”

“If banning social media can remove communal tensions from this country then why can’t banning zeros remove scams from this country?” he argued, “From now on, zero will be known as ‘one minus one’, 10 as ‘9+1’ and so on.”

zero on calculator

Government will soon issue a tender for manufacturing calculators that don’t show zero

When Faking News asked what happens to “zero tolerance” against corruption after this ban on zero, Manish Tewari claimed that now it will go to sub-zero levels.

While the common man wondered if it meant that those with zero income could now hope to earn something, the ban has been welcomed unanimously by some Indian journalists who were getting worried after getting zero re-tweets for their Gnight tweets.

However BJP has opposed the ban calling it an attack on the Indian culture as India had invented zero.

“If Congress thinks it’s communal to credit Aryabhatt for inventing zero, they can at least credit Kapil Sibal for it!” a BJP leader claimed, “Whether Aryabhatt or Sibal, the truth is that zero was invented by an Indian and India can’t ban zero.”

Faking News asked Sibal for a reaction. After confirming from the party office that the news was indeed true and had the backing of Rahul Gandhi and Sonia Gandhi, he justified the ban on zeros.

“It is perfect, now the loss from 2G will move from zero to non-existent, why should I be worried?,” he said, “Anyway, we have spent so much time being proud of the fact that we invented zero that we haven’t even thought about inventing anything else so banning zero will boost creativity in the country. I will tell the IITs to remove zeros from curriculum.”

Not only politics and academics, the ban is expected to impact other areas too. Bollywood actress Sonakshi Sinha has welcomed the step and has hoped that the government will impose the law and punish offenders such as Kareena Kapoor, who have been promoting size zero.

Rohit Sharma too has welcomed the ban. He, along with Ajit Agarkar, has sent an appeal to current MP Sachin Tendulkar requesting him to ensure that even the historical zeros were removed from the records.

print Print

Report filed under:

Assorted


  • http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com PATIGE VISHWANATH

    WEEL IT WAS NOT

  • http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com oops

    simply the best! No one and no issue has been spared :D