NEWSWIRE

Mumbai. Realizing the fact that every hour was extended by a few minutes during The Newshour program on Times Now news channel, the government has decided to go slow by a day so that people who watch Times Now or “your channel” are on the same tracks as the rest of the Indian citizens.

Normally countries skip a few hours to save daylight time but India has decided to repeat a full day as it involves Arnab Goswami, rumored to be having superpowers.

“We will have two Tuesdays this week i.e. we’ll be having two days with calendar showing 19th June,” Kapil Sibal, Union Minister of Science & Technology announced, “This has been done to keep pace with people who watch Arnab Goswami in The Newshour.”

Arnab Goswami

Time passes slowly if one looks into the eyes of Arnab Goswami, an urban legend says.

Sibal informed that Times Now viewers used to consider an hour completed only when Arnab Goswami announced so. Since Arnab usually overshoots his show duration, the viewers were lagging behind the rest of India.

“People were not really to believe that more than an hour had passed, they used to ‘correct’ their watches to be in sync with Arnab hour,” a Ministry official explained, “They could have realized that their watches were running slow the following day when they’d miss the initial part of the show, but it seems no one bothered or got a chance to apply their brains once Arnab appeared on the screen.”

Government officials claim that a very very conservative estimate shows that Times Now watchers, especially Arnabelievers (people who blindly believe in Arnab Goswami), were running at least full 24 hours late.

“It’s impossible to convince Arnabelievers as they won’t agree to any logic, so we decided to agree to them and be slow by a day,” Kapil Sibal explained the logic behind having two Tuesdays this week.

“This will also help those who were running late by a day due to not sleeping after missing Rajdeep Sardesai’s goodnight tweet,” he added.

While the common citizens agreed that India needed to take corrective steps and absorb the shocks arising out of Arnab Goswami’s shows, they were livid that government had decided to repeat a working day.

“Why Tuesday? Why couldn’t we have two Sundays this week? This is outrageous and the government might have to answer some direct questions from Arnab Goswami,” an angry citizen protested.

When Faking News put this question to Kapil Sibal before Arnab Goswami could do so, the union minister claimed that repeating a Sunday was difficult as Aamir Khan didn’t have two ready-to-air episodes of Satyameva Jayate – his chat show that is watched by the whole nation each Sunday morning.

When your website (Faking News) claimed that this was a stupid justification, Sibal played the religious card and claimed that he had tried to give respect to Lord Hanuman, who is worshipped on Tuesdays. However, our sources claim that this has been done as 19th June is the birthday of Rahul Gandhi.

The real reason is known only to Kapil Sibal and Arnab Goswami, sources and Arnabelievers say.

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  • abhishek

    Superb….. Too good……

  • http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com FNFan

    Full of pp flavour!! Love it!!!

  • passionate

    Dear PP

    This person GOSWAMI calling himeself as journalist…is beyond any satire…..He is simply irritating
    & hence very few seems to be interested about reading this article…forget about commenting further

  • Rāhula

    I just spending time reading Faking News to have a good laugh, Great stories here! :) but was this a typo? >> ‘People were not really to believe that…’or should it have been ‘People were not ready to believe that…’

  • http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com Rāhula

    I just love spending time…i meant, oops

  • Nipun

    Arnab should be made a part of Border 2. MAA KASAM !!!! Pakistan Khatam !!!