NEWSWIRE

New Delhi. Realizing that corruption has spared no institution, not even army and judiciary, Tata has decided to launch a new tea that can hopefully fight corruption as nothing else seems to be working. Tata tea, one of the prominent anti-corruption movements in India, is going to up the ante and launch a stronger tea that will need water boiling at over 100 degree Celsius and pure milk.

“Citizens will have to prepare this tea in a pressure cooker,” Anna Hazarika, a Tata tea brand manager informed, “Earlier the boiling water was supposed to represent the anger of common man, but now we need pressure cooker to replicate the situation.”

Anna further informed that the new tagline of the new tea would be “ab jaag bhi jao re” that loosely translates to – wake up and take note you morons.

Jaago Re TV ad

People have already forgotten this Jaago-Re guy. Most people thought he was some MTV Roadies contestant.

Jaago Re was a good campaign, but it couldn’t create the kind of impact we had imagined,” the brand manager rued.

Apart from super-hot scalding water, the new tea will further need pure milk, not diluted by water or contaminated with synthetic substances.

Aam aadmi has to worry, and I guess he can be made to worry if we ask him to find pure milk or sugar; he doesn’t worry about scams anymore,” Anna told Faking News.

However, experts believe that such token steps won’t reduce corruption.

“If tea could reduce corruption, government offices would have been the most honest place,” an expert said, “Every government office has unlimited supply of chai-paani.”

The expert, working in Planning Commission, instead proposed a “Bribery Line” on the lines of “Poverty Line” that recognizes only those amounts as bribes that fall above the threshold defined.

“To start with, we should have 14 crore rupees as the bribery line,” the expert argued, “Any bribe under this should be treated as legal transaction.”

But this has caused outrage among the politicians and bureaucrats.

“14 crore rupees!? What do they think? We are some Army Chief?” a senior officer in the government said, “This much we can earn by just passing on mobile numbers and other sundry details to lobbyists. If corruption is to be removed, it should be 14,000 lakh crore rupees.”

The common man didn’t react to either of these ideas.

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  • Aam Aadmi

    sab chalta hai

  • Shah

    Amazing. Just wish FN comes out with a 10-15 articles everyday. It is getting more and more depressing to read any other newspaper

    • hawahawai

      I truly, really, deeply, agree.

  • Aahish

    Only yesterday i asked a couple of friends why they didnt support Anna this time around.the response was “use kuch hua to h nahi kya fayda”.i wonder had it been so,would our current generation ever be able to get freedom from Britishers?

    “If corruption is
    to be removed, it should be 14,000
    lakh crore rupees.”
    #win!

  • krishna Iyengar

    ……’The expert, working in Planning Commission, instead proposed a “Bribery Line” on the lines of “Poverty Line”……’ LOL

  • http://www.google.com Bheni prasad

    Anna Hazarika… your naming is awesome PP..As always… :-)

  • agyaat

    ab to tatti karne mein bhi dar lagta hai.Kahin uska bhi scam na ho jaye.main mazaak nahin kar raha.aap khet mein hagne baitho.kuchh der mein aap dekhenge.koi neta suar ke bhesh mein akar..aapki tatti ko chat kar jayega

  • indianguy

    this article has genuine angst …i never thought of doing anyting personally abt corruption …but now i have decided to “do something for sure” .

  • Common man

    I read this satire. I didn’t react.

  • parijat

    14000 lakh crores? Surely you mean 14 lakh crores.

  • Passionate

    caption under photo………”Most people thought he was some MTV Roadies contestant.”

    LOL……more than perfect

    PP U simply rrrrrrrock