Bangalore. If banks and other financial institutions can provide loans against valuables like gold and land that don’t lose value with passage of time, why can’t they provide loans against wine, which also gets better and dearer with time?

This question has been put forward by Kingfisher Airlines chairman Vijay Mallya after he was subjected to Faking News jokes like “Vijay Mallya approaches Bappi Lahiri for Manappuram Gold loan”.

“Enough of such jokes!” objected a visibly upset Mallya, opening the third bottle of his favorite white wine, brewed at his private vineyard, at his private bar located at his private penthouse, where he had called an emergency meeting with himself to discuss plans to rescue Kingfisher Airlines.

Vijay Mallya

Vijay Mallya with his assets, which he could use to rescue his airlines business.

“I have a collection of vintage wines in my bedroom that is thousand times bigger than the total gold reserve of Bappi Lahiri,” Mallya claimed, “If Bappi can get Manappuram Gold Loan, I should fucking get Manappuram Wine Loan!”

Jab ghar mein pada ho daaru, tab main kyun haar maanu,” senior Mallya added.

The liquor baron has decided to send a letter in this regard to all leading banks and financial institutions of India to offer him a loan against his wine reserves, which are reportedly bigger in value than the current cash reserve with many banks.

Mallya claims that his suggestion of “wine loan” would have been accepted and implemented promptly if P Chidambaram was the Finance Minister of India, because Chidambaram had accepted and implemented the 2G spectrum prices without making any fuss.

“Pranab Mukherjee is a hard nut to crack,” senior Mallya said, “But he has to agree to it. There are a lot of people in this country who have wine bottles in their pocket but no cash. Indian banks must launch wine loans.”

“And banks have nothing to lose,” he claimed, “If the borrower defaults, the bank managers can either sell the wine, which will grow older and costlier with time, or they can drink it all and forget about the liabilities.”

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18 Responses to “Vijay Mallya asks banks to provide him “wine loan” on lines of gold loan”

  1. SidMallya February 24, 2012

    This Mallya guy is funny -Dads airplane crashes down to bottom son gets busy partying with hose the next week …………… really who needs a BailOUT Anyway ??????

  2. or ‘drink it all and forget liabilities’

    if it was govt banks then they would definitely do so

  3. man this is crazy 🙂

  4. Well, fact is stranger than fiction.

    (Reuters) – Some U.S. pawnbrokers are taking liquid assets – literally.

    Along with family jewels and fine art they will accept wines as collateral for loans to help ease cash shortages of businesses and people on all rungs of the economic ladder.

    “You’d be amazed by how many wealthy individuals have terrible credit ratings,” said Jordan Tabach-Bank, head of Beverly Loan Co. in Beverly Hills, California.

    “And besides, if you go to a bank, it can take weeks or months to get a loan. When we make a loan, it’s usually the same day,”

    The pawnshop for the prosperous lends to hedge-fund managers, bankers, lawyers, doctors and even Oscar winners…

  5. Mandar March 8, 2012

    Vijay Mallya is sponsoring a research project to process wine/beer into air fuel. If you know any researchers please do share this update with them. The research grant is a crate of beer/wine per week (sorry no cash incentives)!

  6. You are my inspiration, I own few blogs and often run out from post :). “Never mistake motion for action.” by Ernest Hemingway.