Islamabad, Pakistan. After the risk of getting arrested as soon as he lands in Pakistan, former Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf has decided to declare himself a terrorist so that he was granted safe haven in Pakistan. Earlier, Pakistani interior minister had declared that Musharraf would be arrested as soon as he landed in Pakistan, after which the former military ruler was forced to delay his plans of returning to Pakistan.
“Mushie is thinking of having an image makeover before making his next attempt to come back, so that he is assured of a minimum security and guarantee of life in Pakistan,” Ashfaq, close aide of Pervez Musharraf told Faking News.
After some basic research and analysis (not to be confused with RAW, the Indian intelligence agency – Ashfaq clarified), Musharraf’s party men concluded that Musharraf could be safe and sound in Pakistan if he declared himself a terrorist – a mujahid out there to destroy India, US, Israel, Denmark, Salman Rushdie, and women posing nude.
“Tag of an ISI or Army supported mujahid would have helped even more, but the current equations between the Army, ISI and the politicians might make that difficult,” Ashfaq rued.
It should be noted that after being an Army Chief and President, Musharraf is currently a politician in exile, who is hopeful of returning to Pakistan and capture power through elections. However, he is struggling to find support among the masses and only Indian news channels appear to take him seriously.
“Given that he gets to visit India and talk to Indian journalists so frequently, he could have won a few seats in the upcoming Uttar Pradesh assembly elections in India, but that’s not our aim; we want to win elections in Pakistan,” Ashfaq said.
A decision to brand Musharraf a terrorist is believed to help the former general in the Pakistan general elections and pitch him ahead of former cricketer Imran Khan, who too is hopeful of winning elections and making Pakistan a superpower bigger than India.
As part of “Musharraf is the real mujahid” campaign, old memories of Kargil War will be reignited and Musharraf would take full responsibility of orchestrating the war. Photoshopped pictures of Musharraf with captured or killed Indian soldiers would be circulated on the internet to highlight the anti-India image of the former general, which could help him a lot in the elections.
“Musharraf is the most liked Pakistani politician on Facebook,” Ashfaq claimed.
When asked if being a terrorist and fighting elections were not contradictory in nature, Musharraf’s friends dismissed such concerns as “irrelevant”.
“Right now our aim is to bring him back safely,” Ashfaq said, “And who knows; imagine if Osama Bin Laden would have decided to come out of his Abbottabad mansion and fight elections. Let’s not rule out anything in politics just because it defeats logic.”
(originally written for and published in English daily DNA)