NEWSWIRE

Mumbai. After the path-breaking discovery by the Indian parliament, which established beyond doubt that corruption affected people based on their ethnic roots, a team of doctors have concluded that the ill effects of common cold too were sensitive to a person’s caste and religion.

Researchers have found out that if a Brahmin, Muslim, Yadav, and Paswan were left exposed to the same cold weather conditions, they will develop different health complications and hence they required different levels of treatments. Based on this finding, Vicks, the leading manufacturer of cough-and-cold over-the-counter medicines, has launched caste based VapoRubs, throat lozenges, and inhalers.

Vicks inhaler

Different castes need different remedies

“All these years we thought that corruption affected every person, every aam aadmi, in the same way, but thankfully our honorable leaders opened our eyes and made us realize that it was a myth,” Dr. Anu Hazarika, the lead researcher told Faking News.

The eye-opening realization dawned upon Dr. Anu and her team once the parliament agreed to introduce caste and community based reservations in Lokpal, the proposed anti-corruption body.

“We always thought that crime and corruption spared no one and made no distinctions among the victims,” Dr. Anu said, “But we were wrong, the parliament proved us wrong; and the parliament is supreme in our democracy.”

After crime and corruption were connected with caste and community by the council of MPs, Dr. Anu started looking for more ‘C’s and zeroed upon “common cold”, which had two Cs in it. To her bewilderment, she realized that common cold too was pretty casteist and communal in nature.

“A Brahmin was less vulnerable to common cold than a Yadav if both were made to stand naked in the same freezing environment,” Dr. Anu shared her findings, “and that’s why a Brahmin didn’t need as much Oxymetazoline dosage as a Yadav. We were definitely doing it the wrong way by prescribing the same dosage to every man suffering from common cold effects such as nasal congestion.”

“What we need right now are caste and religion based medicines,” she concluded.

When Faking News reporter tried to reason that maybe the different effect of same cold weather condition on people belonging to different communities were due to their financial condition and personal lifestyle, Dr. Anu argued that one didn’t need to take such a “complex” view of a situation that can be easily explained in terms of one’s caste.

“Let’s keep it simple; let’s have quota in cold-and-cough medicines,” she suggested.

While her research is still being debated by the doctors, sociologists, lawyers, and twitter users, Vicks has decided to launch such caste specific medicines by the next week. Proctor & Gamble, the company owning the Vicks brand, has justified the move.

“It reflects the sense of the house and the nation,” a representative of the company said, “If there is any objection from the scientific community, we hope the parliament will pass a law allowing sale of such caste based medicines. Unlike Anna Hazare, we have full faith in our MPs.”

Report filed under:

Business


  • pes

    Awesome!

  • http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com hello

    Is this for explaining to people that casteism is bad or is it for saying reservation is bad? The message is somehow is lost on most readers.

    • BiG B

      This is just a satire my friend……….for answer to your questions, just use your brain !!

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        Bigger B would have said ” Main Kayasth kulodbhav, Mere Purkhon nein itna Vicks Dhaala,Ki mere tan ke lahu mein hain 80% Vicks Ki Haala :-)

    • Ankit

      firstly speak for yourself, not for most readers

      the message is cateism is bad, reservations are worse…..

  • AJAY SAWHNEY

    How true
    I did not know the the Congress had that much Knowledge
    Was research done in Italy too

  • Dr.Yogesh Sharma

    Sir you are very true. These secular leaders ave only Islam and Caste reservation on their agenda. They are taking India to another division.

  • jai

    I think the idea behind reservation
    in the Lokpal committee is that investigations into corruption cases do not suffer from inherent caste bias in the indian society.

    • Concerned Indian

      I think it is to stop Lokpal via Supreme Court quashing it… But I can really understand Lokpal working. Appoint Laloo there. He will surely handle it like Railways.

    • Hardeep

      And that you have statistical proof that MPs, group A,B officers have been discriminated based on caste. You seem to be joking Mr Jai.
      BTW, if caste is such a problem why do you think a sharma will not discrimiate against gupta or vice versa. That means each caste in India should have its own representative in Lokpal, which in turn implies Lokpal should be 15000 member body instead of 9 member.

      Jai are you from one of those reserved castes, i suspect your intention more than your logic.

    • Rahul

      ‘the inherent bias’ you talk about has become stronger with reservations…., reservations reinforce the idea of caste into the minds of people……….; reservations encourage backward castes to remain backward

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  • vipul

    hahaha… what about keeping the price of SC/ST/OBC Vicks lower than OPEN Vicks?! :D

  • Saad

    This is excellent, but I sincerely hope Vicks doesn’t sue you for defamation.

    • stng

      For your information ; they can buy companies like Vicks in minutes.. this is run buy a group of very rich and influential industrialists but just for fun.

  • Jai

    It could well be Cong electoral strategy to garner votes. I am sorry I forgot to mention that.

    But you must understand that caste is for real and our wily politicians will always exploit that.

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