New Delhi. Indian shoplifters have wholeheartedly welcomed the government decision to allow FDI in retail sector and are looking to steal as many costly products as possible when international retail chains such as Walmart open their stores in India. The shoplifters are confident that they can work around the anti-theft devices and system of these stores and use their own desi jugaad to run away with stolen goods.

“We are eagerly looking forward to the new bakras arriving,” Chhedi Laal, a shoplifter who has already stolen goods worth at least 10,000 rupees this year from different shopping malls, couldn’t hide his excitement when Faking News asked for his views on FDI in retail.

Chhedi claimed that he hadn’t bought toothpaste, razors, or batteries for over three years now as he has been stealing those from various shopping malls without getting caught. He is now aiming higher with FDI in retail being allowed.


Indian shoplifters say they are ready to face competition from international retail chains

“This is incredible India, and we will show them how incredible it is,” Chhedi said, as he vowed to shoplift a brand new home theatre system from Walmart, if and when it opens its branch in his locality.

Similar sentiments were echoed by many other shoplifters and kleptomaniacs, who thought that big retail stores were always more conducive for filching products.

“The local kirana guys are too smart,” revealed Sheetal, who had a three hour fight with her local kirana shopkeeper earlier this week, “I tried to hide a Head & Shoulders (shampoo) sachet when he was trying to pull out a sack of Aashirvaad aata (wheat flour), but the bugger noticed it and tried to humiliate me. These guys know the tricks and are not easy to fool. Walmart will surely be a better experience.”

Sheetal, otherwise an atheist who was born Hindu, is planning to shop in Walmart wearing a burqa and steal a hair dryer and make-up kit. She is planning to accuse the foreign store of not respecting local and religious sentiments if they try to remove the veil and strip-search her.

According to industry experts, Indian shoplifting industry is very fragmented and disorganized right now, but the situation could change post FDI in the retail sector.

“We expect organized retail crime to shape up as these shoplifters could join hands, as it happens in many western countries,” an expert predicted.

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13 Responses to “Indian shoplifters welcome decision to allow FDI in retail”

  1. The Indian shoplifters in order to end the impasse in Parliament came out with smart suggestions which included the following :

    1. All Railway platforms should have a mandatory Walmart store The suggestion was made to please Mamta who had been singularly leading the loss making effors of Railways in the last 4 years.

    2. The Railway Kirana Wall Mart stores will provide 120% reservation to Dalits and Muslims. This will pacify Mayawati

    3. The Railway Kirana Wall Mart stores will pay 10% commission on all sales to the Kazagams in TN

    4. Further the shoplifters association pledged to support the Congress with 10% of the shoflifting value to the election funds of Congress

    The industry associations welcomed the move and lauded the shoplifters association in contribution to nation building and recalled the Kalam’s plea of dreaming big and innovation.

  2. Let’s also allow FDI in shoplifting.