NEWSWIRE

Mumbai. Frustrated with the fact that there appeared to be no impact on circulation of money in the market even after recurrent raise in interest rates, RBI has now decided to take extreme measures to control inflation and supply of money. The central bank will now hire goons who will snatch superfluous money from individuals and organizations to maintain the optimal level of liquidity in the market.

“We were left with no option, nothing seemed like working,” Dr. D Subbarao, RBI governor said. RBI has increased key policy rates 11 times in the last 16 months, the latest increase announced on Tuesday.

100 rupees note

Sources suggest that RBI had liked Baba Ramdev’s idea of doing away with 1000 rupee notes, but the central bank preferred totally taking them away from people’s possession instead of replacing them with notes of lower denomination.

“We need to send a strong signal to the economy and we thought this could be the strongest one,” RBI governor claimed. RBI has decided to hire strong and sturdy men between 25-35 years who would make sure that there was not enough money in the market that could push the prices of goods further up.

These RBI goons will be placed in all major marketplaces across the country and they will make sure that nobody spends too much.

“All the security guards at multiplexes will be replaced with our goons or trained to become goons,” RBI governor informed, “They will frisk all the entrants and their wallet will be checked. Any amount of cash in excess of 1000 rupees will be confiscated then and there.”

Similarly goons will be positioned at eateries such as McDonald’s and KFC, who will not allow a person to buy more than one burger or chicken wings for himself. Women will not be allowed visit beauty parlor more than once a month, and people would be randomly robbed off at traffic lights.

Planning Commission Deputy Chairman Montek Singh Ahluwalia has welcomed the move by RBI and called it “aggressive”, while Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee has predicted that more such steps would be taken in future to control inflation and make lives better for aam aadmi.

RBI governor has clarified that anyone resisting the latest ‘monetary policy’ could well be beaten up by the bank goons, and he will subsequently be prohibited from spending above a specified amount on medical bills if injured while doing so.

Report filed under:

Economy


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