Mumbai. Mobile services company Idea, which has outdone Chetan Bhagat in offering simple solutions to complex problems faced by India, has gone a step further and announced their intention to launch special condoms to control the population of India. The step was announced after the company’s latest television ad, which proposed high speed internet access to control population growth, drew flak from experts who termed it “infeasible”.
“What do people do once they get high speed internet for the first time?” Mr. Kuselan, an expert on population growth and a virulent critic of Idea’s latest campaign argued, “Of course people start accessing adult sites and download porn clips. Do you think they will practice ‘abstinence’ after consuming adult content?”
Mr. Kuselan, a proud and pestered father of nine babies, blames adult sites and “ask the sexpert” type of columns in leading newspapers for population growth of India, and believes that a widely distributed 3G network will only encourage people to access such “copulation causing” websites.
“I know a friend who locked himself in a room with his wife after reading ‘how to spice up your sex life’ column on a leading newspaper’s website,” Kuselan claimed, “He didn’t even bother to shut down or hibernate his laptop. He was blessed with a baby after nine months and a computer virus every month after that incident.”
“With 3G reaching every household, such incidents, and thus the population of India, will only increase,” Kuselan added.
Not only from experts like Kuselan, Idea’s latest idea was also rejected by the union government.
“Idea simply copied the idea from Ghulam Nabi Azad, who had originally proposed electricity as solution to India’s population growth,” Power Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde pointed out, “Even Azad thought that people would watch television and not indulge in sex. But we realized that there was too much of sex on television these days and the result could be counterproductive, hence we decided not to electrify villages. We care for the aam aadmi.”
Faced with criticism and opposition from the government and the experts, Idea Cellular tried to justify their campaign by claiming that the events portrayed in the latest television commercial were “symbolic”.
“Our aim was to show that a 3G connection actually works like a ‘virtual condom’, ensuring that both hubby and wife are kept entertained separately,” Mr. Manish Manga, the chief marketing officer at Idea, tried to justify the campaign, “If people don’t believe us, we are ready to launch real condoms.”
As a result, every Idea customer will now get a free packet of special 3G condoms along with his monthly bill. Mr. Manga couldn’t explain what the company meant by a “3G” condom.
Sources tell Faking News that the company might use the ‘third generation Bachchan’ connection to justify the 3G name and Abhishek Bachchan’s endorsement of the latest Idea product.
(based on an exclusive report sent by Moron)