NEWSWIRE

Bangalore. Ever since Alpagya Shukla, a senior coder working in the mobile software firm Volcano, got his iPhone 4, he has been on an indefinite mission to show it to all his colleagues.

A pain in the ass for everyone for the past two weeks, Alpagya reported early today that probably there was one person still left out in the office, whom he has not been able to show his new phone.

“I guess it’s that guy with French-cut beard in accounts department,” Alpagya tried to conclude as he struck off names in a list of employees obtained from the HR department. Sources say that Alpagya was handed out the list by an HR executive after he couldn’t put up with two hours of unsolicited tutorial on iPhone applications that Alpagya was giving to him.

Steve Jobs showing iPhone 4

Sources say that Alpagya had shown his iPhone to his colleagues with a similar pose and with a similar smile on his face, when he brought it to his office for the first time.

“It was a couple of weeks back when Alpagya acquired an iPhone and since then the office has become a concentration camp,” said Prasanna Raghavan, who is Alpagya’s unfortunate colleague at the workplace. “It started with him sending us pointless documents about how Apple got its strange name and iconic logo with a bite,” recalls Prasanna, who still gets nightmares of the ‘Tip Calculator’ application tutorial that Alpagya gave, whenever he sees a waiter in a restaurant.

Rohan Sripad, another colleague, seconds Prasanna, “Alpagya has been a showy guy right from the beginning. Just that now he chooses to tell time to a bystander from his iPhone, as compared to two weeks back when he would take out his white MacBook to do the same.”

Faking News has learned that Alpagya’s colleagues have started calling him “iPhoney” owing to his loud and cheesy habit of flaunting his iPhone. Some of them have even ‘unliked’ the ‘Hey US! India Is Not Your Dumping Ground!‘ Facebook page that was created by Alpagya prior to buying his iPhone 4.

Alpagya however defends his actions and terms his colleagues as jealous fucks.

“These are the same guys who were envious when I had got a promotion. They just can’t see anyone being superior to them,” said an overwhelmed Alpagya. But sources confirm that Alpagya was not given a promotion in the last two appraisals, and in fact he had been living like a dejected soul till he got his phone.

“This iPhone has made Alpagya rise like a phoenix from the ashes,” Rohan said, “Or maybe he would call it iAshes!”

But Alpagya maintains that those finding his actions annoying and frustrating are iDiots.

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  • Kavi

    LOL! good one Ankur.. there are so many of such guys around.. bloody show offs!

    • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1067545106 Ankur Nigam

      Roger that Kavi :) .. indeed there are so many of them.. no doubts apple makes unique products but that shudnt be used to declare oneself royal.. glad u liked the the write-up :D

      • Jason

        Steve Jobs is gone… e-World, or i-World, will never be as interesting without Jobs. So what if he was a bad boss… at least he did not only give crap. He gave quality as well….

        Here is exploring more about his personality. Apparently, he was a bad bad boss. This article says that.

  • arjun

    Alpagya kaun hai ???

    • Guddz

      Alpagya (Alp + Agya) means one who knows less…:)

      • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1067545106 Ankur Nigam

        thnks for tht Guddz…. I was about to reply the same :)

      • http://varunslife.blogspot.com Varun Reddy

        Could also be a anagram of “Ya Pagla” :D

      • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1067545106 Ankur Nigam

        Someone has his hindi basics spot on here ;)

  • Kaushik

    “iDots” brilliant.

    • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1067545106 Ankur Nigam

      :D

  • Ankit Pradhan

    Hehehehe
    sahiiiii
    Ankur this one is also a good one. And I am among the ones who think there are better phones then iphone4. Look at LG or samsung .. but the best ones are from HTC.
    Apple ka bas hauwwa hai! Windows is far far user friendly then mac :)

    • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1067545106 Ankur Nigam

      Np two ways abt it :)

  • Aditya Saraf

    Excellent article! Couldn’t stop laughing. Keep it up!

    • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1067545106 Ankur Nigam

      glad u liked it Aditya :)

  • crazy

    incredible dude!!
    waiting for more

    • https://www.facebook.com/?sk=lf#!/profile.php?id=1067545106 Ankur Nigam

      Hope ur wait ll be worth it :)

  • Ujas

    Good 1 Ankur..An article most of us would be able to relate to!!

    I hv seen atleast 1 person who resembles Alpagya!

    • https://www.facebook.com/?sk=lf#!/profile.php?id=1067545106 Ankur Nigam

      :) true..

  • Vish

    Very precise and funny.
    Keep it up!

  • Chandrima

    This post is so true! I can recall when I first bought my mobile after a few months of getting my job, it was with android OS, and most of our colleagues liked it, but the lady who sits next to me got very much agitated. In the very next month, she went to NY (her husband stays in NY and she’s so happy about it, she never feels any hurdle because of this long distance between them), and bought a brand new iPhone4 from there (at that time, iPhone4 was not there in Indian market).. and after returning back to office, she left no one to see her iPhone.

    • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1067545106 Ankur Nigam

      My deepest condolences to u :D

    • Pagal Reader

      So unfuckingbelieveably true. Never seen such iDiotic iNarcissists as owner of apple products.

      Apple thrives on iStupidity of common people.

      • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1067545106 Ankur Nigam

        :) Another apple-hater!