NEWSWIRE

New Delhi. With the strong focus on ‘going green’ by the Ministry of State for Environment and Forests and benefits for corporations and individuals who conform to green norms, the Beggars Organization (BO) of India issued a press release yesterday demanding that these benefits be conferred on them since they are the greenest among all the green organizations.

To support their claims, the chairman of BO, Pyarelal, insisted that by sleeping under mangroves daily, beggars are preventing them from being destroyed, something that the government has failed to do consistently.

Pyarelal went on to suggest that beggars refuse to wear clothes because the manufacture and shipping of clothes from China launches tons of pollutants into the atmosphere causing the destruction of plant and animal life.

Jairam Ramesh

Jairam Ramesh gestures when asked if his ministry could declare begging as a “green industry”

BO also encourages its members to defecate near public gardens and plantations so that their wastes can be used as manure and not be wasted into the sea.

Pyarelal cited reports from a joint research project conducted by the students of IIM-A and the Foundation of Ecological, Climatic and Environmental Sciences (FECES), which conclusively proved that beggars had reduced India’s emissions by 20%. Pyarelal further said that he was confident that Jairam Ramesh would agree with the report, as students of IIM-A were definitely world-class in the minister’s eyes.

When approached, the government sought to clarify its stand by saying that while it agrees beggars are in fact very ‘green’, not all forms of begging should qualify for benefits. To highlight this point, Jairam Ramesh gave the example of the CEO of HCC who was begging the MoEF to remove its objections against Lavasa City.

“Similar is the case of everyone involved in the Adarsh Cooperative Housing Society,” he said. However, Ramesh said, there are ways in which even these applicants can qualify for green benefits. “They have to demonstrate how ‘green’ they are,” Ramesh said, “Say, by drinking their own urine.”

In an unrelated incident, all the water coolers in the HCC offices were being replaced. In another unrelated report, the sewage pipe and drinking water pipe at Adarsh society were mysteriously interchanged.

(reported by Brijesh)

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  • Gananath

    Interesting. Come to think of it, this is seriously true!

    Keep writing.

  • Pradeep

    good attempt. keep it up

  • Ravs

    “the Foundation of Ecological, Climatic and Environmental Sciences (FECES)” :)

    So true..That’s what these NGO’s are, pieces of shit.

  • Rohit

    good one!