New Delhi. A local Tantrik, who earlier worked with India TV as a bulletin producer, has claimed that he could use his “special powers” to carry out a US like operation to locate and kill fugitives like Dawood Ibrahim and Hafiz Saeed, who are wanted for terrorist activities in India. And all he would need are three dead rats, one boiled egg, 50 grams of vermillion, five chilies, and one lemon.
The statement of Tantrik comes a day after Indian Army chief responded to a pointed question, where he clarified that Indian security forces had the capability to launch a precision attack in Pakistan, where terrorists wanted in India are living cozily.
“Not only the capability, I have the will too to destroy those evil souls,” Madangir Mahamaya Maharaj, also known as “Triple M” to his followers, declared. When asked if he was waiting for an order from the Prime Minister or Sonia Gandhi to launch an attack, Triple M threw powdered black pepper into our correspondent’s eyes and responded in negative.
Partially blind and convinced of the powers of Triple M, our reporter pleaded with Maharaj to divulge some of the details about the offensive he was planning.
“Right now I’m calculating the movement of planets that would help me locate the mansion of Dawood and Hafiz,” Triple M informed, making a circular movement of his index finger in the air, “Once the moon is in the third house and Saturn passes through the fire house, I would be in a position to add these terrorists’ locations on Google Maps for public reviews.”
But Triple M’s technological knowledge and dependence ends with Google Maps, as he declares that once he has finalized the locations of the terrorists and studied the vastu implications of their mansions’ layout, he would launch a “deadly attack” on them with nimbu-mirchi (lemon and chilies pierced together), vermillion, boiled eggs, and dead rats.
“Dawood and Hafiz will die a dog’s death,” Madangir Mahamaya Maharaj announced with his hands up in the air like Billy Bowden, eyes popping out like Muttiah Muralitharan, and his body shaking like Irfan Pathan going “brrr” in the latest Coke advertisement.
Even as his disciples bowed before him in awe of his proclamation, our partially blind correspondent wanted to ask how the terrorists could die a dog’s death when dead rats are to be used in the operation, but decided to call off the interview.
Pakistan, which was quick to respond to Army Chief’s statements, had not yet reacted over Triple M’s claims, but sources suggest that Pakistan has bought a Chinese voodoo doll to restrain the Tantrik.