California, USA. Mark Zuckerberg, in what could be the most significant kink in the history of evolution yet, today announced the launch of the Facebook Genes, which assists the naturally occurring sensory organs and takes people a step closer to realizing the most perfect human interactions system – the Facebook.
In layman terms, the Facebook gene can be added to an embryo during pregnancy so that the child is born mutated with certain Facebook features embedded into it, giving it an edge over its peers in communicating and “staying connected”.
Parents need to provide the name, e-mail address and Facebook ID for their fetus to sign up for the delivery, and the gene transplant is done free of cost by the Facebook Inc.
“We realized that ‘normal’ human beings are still struggling to understand and appreciate many Facebook features,” Zuckerberg explained the rationale behind launching the Facebook Genes, “Not only they fail to update and control their privacy settings, they have also proved to be utter failure in appreciating aesthetic features like black background behind pictures.”
“Also, science has now confirmed that the size of your brain depends upon your social network, so we thought it was high time we helped people with their brain sizes,” he added.
FB Genes will blur the difference between the physical and the digital worlds. People will be able to continuously upload and download images, videos and information from their Facebook profiles. In the physical world, they will be able to exhibit three additional emotions – ‘Like’, ‘Poke’ and ‘WTF’ – with the help of various facial and lower body muscles.
“An advertising module, designed by our smartest programmers will directly implant a product purchase idea in the mind of the customer, similar to what Leo Di Caprio did in Inception, you know, and all that display-ads farce will be history. And I doubt Google AdWords would be able to match that,” Zuckerberg added with a chuckle. Asked if he thought people will allow such levels of intrusions into their private lives, he said, “You kiddin’ me! Haven’t they already?”
It is a well-known fact that Facebook’s influence on the lives of common people has grown significantly after people in Egypt used it to overthrow their dictatorial regime and many American businesses have started conducting business using Facebook Credits preferring it over the US dollar since it is a lot cooler and being used more frequently. Facebook also launched a mobile SIM card recently.
Zuckerberg denied any ulterior profit motives behind launching of FB Genes and termed it as an extension of his philanthropic pledge, as he was just improving the “divine creation”.
“Look, God designed us a really long time back – he missed out a few things and I am just filling in the holes,” the Facebook founder said, further denying that developing a mutant human being was like copying a software code, “Do you see any of His code in it? If He were the inventor of Facebook, He would have invented Facebook,” he added with a coy smile quoting himself from the movie, The Social Network.