New Delhi. To counter BJP’s announcement of strengthening its campaign on corruption, Congress has decided to update its “zero tolerance” policy towards corruption to sub-zero levels. An official statement announcing the same would be released by party president Sonia Gandhi at an “appropriate” time, sources say. Congress had earlier announced the zero tolerance policy after scams like 2G, Adarsh Housing Society, and CWG hit the headlines last year.

“Now that the Bofors scam is back to haunt us with the Gandhi family itself being accused of stashing away billions of secret dollars in Swiss Bank, the party felt the need to announce a new policy against corruption,” a Congress source told Faking News.

Bofors tank or Bofors gun

Bofors tanks were also meant to be used in sub-zero temperatures in Kashmir

The Congress working committee is expected to meet tomorrow to decide how many degrees below zero the new tolerance level should be. A general consensus is emerging at nine degrees below zero, though Digvijay Singh is reported to be having different ideas once again.

“Well, Soniaji’s birthday falls on 9 December so I thought 9 would be a good number,” said a Congress leader who supported the new tolerance level for corruption to be at minus nine degrees.

With the national capital freezing in cold and some parts of north India experiencing sub-zero temperatures, some party strategists believe that a sub-zero level for corruption could go well with the mood of the nation and garner public support.

Interestingly, no leader was willing to confirm if the scale Congress was referring to for tolerance was being measured in Celsius, Fahrenheit or something else; for nine degrees below zero level on the Celsius scale still meant around 16 degrees above zero on the Fahrenheit scale.

Even if it was some other scale, there remains a widespread confusion on what exactly a sub-zero tolerance for corruption means in practice.

“It could mean suspending members on corruption charges even before the media, opposition, or the CBI questions them,” guessed a Congress member, who thought it was a fantastic idea as Congress would always have the upper hand in claiming to have acted against the corrupt.

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  • Sunil

    A country where so called “main stream” media does not make any sense, thank god we have got FN.

  • Chandan

    And Kalmadi would be Brand Ambassador for disseminating the new policy amongst party workers and media….!!!

  • Varun

    Obama has proposed an defense deal to sell 100 licences of Minority Report Software to detect/preempt sub zero crimes. Earlier demo version of this software was successfully used by Digvijay to predict killing of cops by pak terrorists. With this clear knowledge of future event, he made the strategically timed call to ATS line.

  • Paro

    Sub zero levels…!! :D :D lol….hehehhee….!!! gosh what would we do with you FN??!! lol…. :D

  • Giribala

    Congressies are so intelligant!

  • doniv

    “widespread confusion on what exactly a sub-zero tolerance for corruption means in practice.”
    killer point! wat the fuck does this govt mean by zero tolerance for corruption ??

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