Patna. Eastern Railways has decided to completely screw up the time table of all the trains passing through Bihar and Bengal to fool dacoits and Maoists waiting in ambush. The decision was taken after two train robberies happened in quick succession in Bihar where armed dacoits looted helpless railway passengers at gun point. Passengers have been advised not to incorporate any train journeys while planning their time-bound engagements.

“With assembly elections round the corner in both the states, we fear train robberies to go up as it could be one of the means of election funding.” a senior staff of Indian Railways told Faking News on conditions of anonymity, hinting at political connections of Maoists and robbers and possible patronage enjoyed by them.

Indian Train

A lot of people travel by Indian Railways daily, making them a lucrative target for the robbers

After various rounds of emergency meetings, which were finally held after three days of multi-directional memo submissions between several sub-departments of the Railways, the officials concluded that the only way to counter the waiting dacoits and Maoists was to avoid them.

“We thought that if we could frustrate them by keeping them waiting in abeyance, they might start looking for targets other than Railways. Same ways as opposition bowlers start targeting batsmen other than Rahul Dravid when he keeps them waiting by blocking their deliveries.” said the chief strategist of Railways, reflecting the somber and serious mood of the discussion and graveness of the problem.

As a result, all the trains, whether carrying commercial goods or human beings, would be running indefinitely late on routes running through Bihar and Bengal with immediate effect, and no one would be able to know or track their movement. Websites like and SMS services informing the current status of train movement would be suspended until after the elections in both the states are over.

While the decision is bound to cause a lot of inconvenience to the common man, many people have breathed a sigh of relief at the possibility of reaching their destination with themselves and their belongings in one piece.

But as always, the issue of fund raising for elections has been swept under the carpet.

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16 Responses to “Railways to delay trains indefinitely to fool waiting dacoits”

  1. What an idea sirjee! 😉

  2. shivani August 11, 2010

    what a well fitting picture u’ve got for this article !

  3. William Fakespeare August 11, 2010

    Wonderful. Railways are also arranging special food and drink service for the dacoits while they wait for the late trains in Bihar and Bengal as part of their Customer Service Initiative launched by Didi.

  4. This is gonna hurt the Dacoits real bad. 😛

  5. since all decoits are very busy and theu have to rush to their work, so they will not loot the delayed train…!!!!! An idea worth research in HBS ane Yale…!!

  6. The photo is not from india, but it is from Pakistan.
    Look at the Dressing style.
    In no part of India you will find all the many men wearing Kurta.
    Its mostly Baluch/sindh provience in Pakistan,

  7. “After various rounds of emergency meetings, which were finally held after three days of multi-directional memo submissions between several sub-departments of the Railways”…god, u’re hilarous!:-) and wat a sense of humour!! great going pagal patrakar.

  8. How stupid. There can’t be a more foolish solution.
    As if decoits have lot of other works to do.

    • Ramesh Nathan August 13, 2010

      Ankur, your are one smart cookie. respect.

    • Hey Ankur…. I hope you know have visited Faking news website (a sattire website) not Times of India website… Anyways I am proud of your smartness by which you noticed that the solution is foolish