NEWSWIRE

Haryana. In yet another incidence involving Khap Panchayat’s tyranny, the panchayat of village Peemproli has ordered one villager Natha Khandelwal to commit suicide to help the village get the necessary publicity. A small village in Haryana, Peemproli is mostly inhabited by Brahmins and has not seen any development since independence. Inspired by the movie “Peepli Live”, the panchayat ordered that Natha should kill himself as it would bring the much needed media and political attention to the village.

“We have never been part of any news ever. Our sons are so lame, they are never able to woo any girls, let alone one of a different gotra or caste so that we could honor kill them. None of us are strong enough to become Olympic wrestlers, which is the only sport played in the area. Since we are predominantly a Brahmin village, we cannot protest for any reservations and hence no political party ever visits us. The goddamn government doesn’t even acquire our lands so that we can go out and demand higher compensation.” rued Govind Gaur, a villager.

“Even our kids are so stay-put that they never fall in any borewell.” he added, arguing that suicide by Natha was the only way for their village to get in news.

And the Panchayat was not wrong. Hordes of journalists, especially from television news channels, had already arrived in the village as soon as the Khap Panchayat faxed them their decision.

In fact, Faking News was the last one to reach Peemproli.

Peepli Live, the movie

Natha from Peemproli neither has a family nor any goats, but has some land in his name that would go to village panchayat once he dies.

But our reporter Freeriding Sid could find Natha, who had been absconding ever since the Panchayat announced its decision, causing all the media persons and villagers to follow us. After a lot of coaxing for an interview, Natha pointed fingers at a NGO worker Medhia Chipakkar in the crowd, and blamed her for the whole situation. Natha claimed that Medhia, who acted as a consultant to the village panchayat, had advised them earlier of creating some national level news.

“I don’t want to die. Help me!” pleaded a sobbing Natha.

Even as dozens of television cameras from different news channels zoomed into to capture the finest and ‘exclusive’ details of Natha’s rolling tears and wrinkles around his eyes that made him look like a 50-year-old tau even though he was just a 21-year-old chhora, Medhia Chipakkar felt a little sad for the poor soul and instantly came up with alternate ideas for the village.

“Okay, listen folks. Natha is from a sub-caste that is considered to be lower among the Brahmins. You guys can flash this news as a shocking example of atrocities by upper castes goons on lower caste guys.” Medhia postulated to the journalists camping in the village.

But it seems Natha would have to die as journalists rejected Medhia’s suggestion, because the new twist to the story would unsettle their plans of presenting and ‘breaking’ the news.

“Our editorial teams back in Delhi have already zeroed up upon scenes from the movie that we would be playing whole day long, and they have also interviewed Aamir Khan for his views on this issue.” said Sakar Sharma, a senior reporter from ABS News.

Report filed under:

Culture


  • Shweta

    Very interesting and funny read..you are good at sarcasm..

  • Harish

    Every bit of the above article is simply hilarious. Great satire from FN, keep posting more such stuff..

  • Happy

    Great job!