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Help Needed

Help Needed

Hi Pagal,

I have read it at many places that masturbation is neither a sin nor bad for health, but still I have some concerns regarding it. I feel that when you masturbate, you are basically giving sexual pleasures to yourself. In other words, you are having sex with yourself. This in turn means that you are having sex with a person of same gender (unless you are a transgender). So here is my problem. If I’m not a transgender and I masturbate frequently, am I a gay?

(a confused brother from Kanpur)

PP answers: Hi brother, thanks for writing. But I am not sure what is bothering you. Are you worried that you masturbate frequently and it could negatively impact you? Or are you worried that you could be a gay? Don’t mix both of these concerns. There are many men who masturbate and it has got nothing to do with them being a transgender or a gay.

Let me assume that you are worried about frequency of your masturbating habits. You haven’t mentioned the frequency hence I would not be able to comment over this. But I would still advise you not to overdo it, say over seven times a day. It can either atrophy your penis or cause paralysis to your hands. Both of these are not desirable in normal course.

Let us now come to your second possible concern i.e. of you being a gay. These days being a gay is actually not a concern, but you might be an old fashioned man, so let me still deal with it.

The frequency of your masturbating practice is not sufficient enough information to verify if you are a gay. But some of the facts related to your masturbation habits can help you diagnose you gayness. Ask yourself, do you masturbate in some of the following situations?

  1. When you remember your best friend (male human being) from college.
  2. When you see pictures of John Abraham.
  3. When you come out of bathroom and get turned on seeing yourself naked in the mirror.

Your gayness could be ‘severe’, ‘significant’ and ‘subtle’ respectively if your answer is ‘yes’ to one of these questions. In case you answered ‘yes’ more than once, your correct gayness intensity is the one corresponding to the first affirmative answer.

If you turn out be a gay, don’t worry, these days it’s not supposed to be sick, criminal or corrupt. But for some reason if you want to get rid of your gayness, you should practice yoga as prescribed by Baba Ramdev.

(If something is bugging you and your life seems all fucked up, don’t worry, Ask Pagla! Send in your queries to askpagla@fakingnews.firstpost.com and get solutions to all problems of your life)

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  • http://fakingnews.firstpost.com Varun Pagla

    fantastic site created by the great intelectulas.
    keep it up

  • subodh PAAGAL

    great article…do not ever close this website in case of lack of funds or some other reason…….keep the good work up….

  • Chantelle

    If you are gay, you would not be masturbating a lot, but having sex with men instead. gay guys get laid more often than others, so there!

    • Nilay

      lol.. good one.. and very true!

  • Dinesh Verma

    this is funny man, how could he consider himself a gay.

  • http://www.vighneshnair.info vighnesh

    lol :D

  • dr samrat verma

    great 1 sir
    ur site is the best i hav come acrossssss
    keep up the good work, and keep us humouring with these unconventional and out of league jokes
    :)